Hibernation
by kawa-kiree
Summary: Jounouchi won’t stop crying, Kaiba’s a jerkface, and it’s Christmas Eve. What else is new? Definitely not this story plot. Basically that one puppyshipping story you’ve read at least twenty times. Don’t you want to read it again? I think you do. parody.


Title: A Dream is a Dream in Winter in Which you Don't Wake up from Because You're Hibernating

Summary: Jounouchi won't stop crying, Kaiba's a jerkface, and it's Christmas Eve. What else is new? Definitely not this story plot. Basically that one puppyshipping story you've read at least twenty times. Don't you want to read it again? I think you do.

Rating: T

A/N: I'm writing a story. That's just how it is.

And I'd just like to put this here: PLEASE do not be offended if _you_ or someone you hold dear has written a fic with a plot like this. _Honestly_, I _love_ reading those fics. I make a point to read it _whenever_ I find one. If you _have_ written a fic with a plot like this, tell me! I'll read it! :D I'm not laughing at you. I've written one so I'd be a total hypocrite if I did!

Look at this lovely line!

"_Damn it, Katsuya!_ You didn't put enough alcohol in my damn hot chocolate! Now get out, worthless child!" Jounouchi's father screamed, throwing him out their apartment's front door. Jounouchi fell to the floor gracefully, arms flailing slightly, cards flying everywhere. His father decided that he could throw him a shirt too- which promptly hit Jou in the face, and uh, scratched him somehow. "And stay out!"

It was Christmas eve and Jounouchi had been lying around the house crying about his life when his father had come home drunk again. Hearing the song Jounouchi had been listening to on the radio- It's a Hard Knock Life, Annie- had immediately sent him over the edge. He couldn't have emo music like _that_ playing while he stayed up waiting for Santa Claus.

Jou slowly picked himself up from his face plant and looked around the building's hallway. He couldn't see anything of course, the tears prevented that, but the stains and smudgy floors still made him feel worse. Sniffling, he pulled the shirt on, and began to make his way outside. It wouldn't do to just sit around for the rest of the night inside. No. Jounouchi was known for being productive. So he went outside in the freezing snow.

26 degrees Fahrenheit. He could survive. The addition of the shirt _was_ nice but, it's not like he would _die_ or anything. Freezing out in the snow with no jacket or shoes.

…Shit.

Jou pulled his arms around himself to try to get some warmth back in his arms as he went over his options. He definitely couldn't go to Yugi's place- who _knew_ what he would walk in on with Yami living with him- and Honda and Ryuugi were in America. He wouldn't even consider going to stay with Yami Bakura and Marik and, with Ryou Bakura and Anzu celebrating their 7 year anniversary, going to their place was out of the question. And so, with no better plan, he plopped himself down by the road, and started to make himself a snow igloo so he would have shelter for the night.

He let the tears fall freely as he thought about how much his life sucked. '_My Dad hates me! And it's my fault my parents divorced! And I spend all my time playing card games! And my friends are all nerds! And I washed my pants with that Duel Monster card in them and it ruined it! And-' _He had almost finished the bottom of his igloo-

'_and that girl invited everyone but me to her party that one time! And Santa only brings me empty beer bottles! And-' "_No one loves me!" he cried out loud, kicking a hole in his snow fort's walls. He cursed loudly, glancing at his stolen watch to find he had been out here crying for the past 50 minutes. He sighed pitifully and was about to lie down in his igloo when a limo suddenly drove by him and sprayed slush in his face. "BASTARD!" He yelled at the limo, not expecting it to stop.

"_Shit,"_ he hissed, trying to hide in his fort as he heard the car door open. He cringed as he heard the crunching footsteps, but looked up as he heard them come to a stop behind him. He blinked in surprise. "Mutt? What the hell are you doing out here?"

He sprang to his feet. "Kaiba? I culd ask yu da same kwestion!"

Kaiba's eyes narrowed into a glare- not that he wasn't glaring before. "Why aren't you wearing a jacket? Or shoes?"

Jounouchi looked down at his feet as he felt the tears springing back into his eyes. "Why do you care?" he bit out.

Kaiba paused. Why _did_ he care? What was it about the blond that made him care? He tried to figure it out for a second before he realized he _didn't_ care. "I don't." He said bluntly, turning back to his limo.

"Bastard! Don't you know this story?" Jounouchi screamed, making Kaiba turn around. "This is the part where you stop being an asshole and help me before I _die_."

Kaiba scoffed. "What the hell are you going on about Wheeler?"

Jounouchi blinked. "…what's a 'Wheeler'?"

Kaiba gave him an odd look. "Your last name."

_What?_ "My last name's 'Jounouchi.'"

Kaiba's eyes widened. "Then what's your first name?"

"Katsuya."

"_What?"_

"Goddamn it, I'm about to pass out! Would you _please_ get me out of this cold?" Jounouchi screamed, finally losing it. It wasn't _his_ fault that most people didn't know his name! Stupid _main characters_ like Yugi and Kaiba got to keep _their_ Japanese names but they couldn't all be so lucky!

"Fine, get in." Kaiba sneered, holding his limo's door open. Jou moved to plop down in the seat but Kaiba grabbed his wrist and turned his head so he could see his face. "Puppy, you're bleeding." Kaiba said, running his hand along the scratch. "We have to take you to the hospital. What happened?" he demanded.

Jou was sure he was going to cry again. "My- my father threw a shirt at me." He said, voice wavering with unshed tears.

Kaiba scoffed. "Never mind. I'm not taking you to the hospital for _that_." he decided, dropping Jounouchi onto the seat and getting in afterward. Kaiba commanded his chauffer to drive and in the silence that followed, Kaiba got his laptop out while Jounouchi got himself a Sprite from the limo's mini-fridge.

"…So are you having a good Christmas Eve?" Jou's voice broken through the silence. Kaiba glanced up from his computer, pausing his Duel Monster porn, to gaze at him. The mutt was shivering, taking a sip from his Sprite. Kaiba made a note that he would have to charge him for that later.

"I was..." Kaiba answered slowly, gazing down at his screen longingly.

Jounouchi's lip began to quiver, so he bit down on it adorably. He sniffed. "I wasn't. It all started when I sat down this morning to have a duel with myself," he began, his voice shaking. "I tried to make myself some tea, but all we had was alcoholic tea so I couldn't. Then I-" Kaiba glanced down at his computer screen, wishing he was a big enough asshole to completely disregard the fact that the mutt was talking and go back to what he was doing. Then he realized he _was_, in fact, a big enough asshole, and he fully tuned him out.

His driver announced they had arrived at Kaiba's mansion four minutes later and Kaiba closed his laptop to look at his puppy. The blond teenager was sitting there holding his legs close to his chest and crying to himself pitifully. Kaiba stared at him. Seeing his puppy looking so helpless made him feel so…. aroused.

Wait. Wait, no that was wrong. It made him feel sad. That the fire was gone from his eyes. Yeah. That's it.

He looked back at Jou to see him trying to claw into the skin at his wrist and decided it would be a good time to get out. So he somehow reached over and carried Jounouchi out of the car bridal style, so his pup wouldn't see how aroused he was, and began carrying him through the four miles long park that was his front lawn.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Jou murmured from his arms. Pssh. Yeah. Nice. That was one word for it.

Kaiba decided he just wasn't going to respond to that as he reached his front door and used his third hand to open it. He almost dropped Jounouchi as he noticed that Mokuba must have been decorating the house for the past 17 hours that he was at work. There were Christmas decorations freakin' _everywhere_. He could barely make it up the stairs because of the spider web like paper chains and tinsel. And there was a reason he couldn't set Jounouchi down. Yes there was.

…The story's not gonna go anywhere if they never make it upstairs so they do that.

Jou's eyes were practically blinded by the blue when Kaiba opened his room's door. The Blue-eyes White dragon sculptures on _every surface_ kind of concerned him, but even as Kaiba placed him down on his Blue-eyes White dragon comforter, he decided that it was okay**.** Because sometime while Kaiba was carrying him he realized that he loved Kaiba! But he couldn't tell him his feelings! Oh no! He was so stupid to feel this way for someone that would never love him back! he thought as Kaiba undressed him and put him into pajamas, all the while groping him subtly.

"I'm so stupid!" he whimpered to himself, not realizing he had said it out loud. Kaiba, never one to pass up an opportunity to be amused, put on his concerned face and said "Nooo, no you're not."

"Yes I am!" Jounouchi argued. It was then Kaiba realized that the author wasn't going to let him not care about the blond anymore and put his arms around his puppy.

"No. You're not." He gritted out, becoming quite annoyed with this already. "Why do you think you're stupid?"

"Be- because I'm in love with someone who will never love me back!" he cried, throwing his arms around Kaiba to hug him back.

Kaiba was taken aback. His puppy was in love with someone else? Damn it. Now he'd have to waste money on a hired assassin. "Who is it, Pup?" he said, drawing deceitfully soothing patterns on Jou's back.

"It…. I…. you." He whispered, unable to keep it to himself any longer. Even if he would never return his feelings, he had to let him know!

"_Yes_." Kaiba hissed, subtly congratulating himself, deciding this would be the opportune time to deflower his puppy. He brought himself away from his puppy so that he could look into his eyes. "I love you too, Mutt." He said, kissing him deeply and pushing him down from his sitting position.

"W- wait, I'm still having self-assurance issues." Joey stuttered, looking into Kaiba's color-the-ocean–is-just-before-the-sun-sets eyes.

Kaiba smirked. _'Perfect_.' "That means you're ripe for the taking." He murmured huskily.

"What was that?"

Kaiba snickered. "Nothing."

Look! Another lovely line!

"Kaiba! Kaiba! Kaiba! Kaiba!" Mokuba yelled, opening the door to Kaiba's room. "It's Chri- ooooooh." He stared transfixed at the sight before him, before his face split into a Cheshire cat grin. He could smell the scandal in the air. This was going right on Gossip Girl.

END STORY.

Author's comments: Oh Mokuba. You're not gonna get any blackmail or scandal out of this. Lord knows these two won't be able to be in a room longer than five minutes without jumping each other. _Everyone_ will know by the end of the day.

Also, I just found out that fanfiction killed my lines. So it totally seemed like Mokuba walked in on them gettin' feisty. Lol.

Plus, that line where Kaiba's eyes are the color of the sea before the sun sets on them? I disclaim that. That was written by a second grader on their 'Who am I?' poster. I read it and decided "I'm using that in a fanfiction, yes I am." I couldn't figure out who she was though so I couldn't ask her permission. _Oh well._ Also, I'll make this legal and disclaim Yu-Gi-Oh! too.

Comments? Questions? Concerns? Criticisms? You know where to find me. Inside that little greenish button down there. If someone actually found this funny, I might want to know that too.


End file.
